Saturday, June 28, 2008

I am questions with no answers.

This persistent question keeps coming to mine. You know that question that keeps you curious and keeps you wondering. The question that got you hoping, praying and wishing. I have a life planned out in my mind, but the question is what will it really be like? Can I fool myself into thinking my time line will match up with reality? Is where I want to see myself in 5 years where God plans to place me or am I living for my own agenda. We all do to an extent, but of course I want to be in line with my purpose and ultimately where I'm supposed to be.

Man this one question sends me so deep in thought that it's always unfinished so I treat it like a job. I spend a few hours working (in thought) then I clock out (to blah and to be zombied by tv ) only to return to the same question later. But man I love the payday... the answers. All answers come in due time... patience really is a virtue. Who will be the participants in my life? People who I thought would my friend for a lifetime have slipped away in the past despite how hard I wanted to hold on to the familiar. People guide us along... all stepping stones to where God wants us to go. Some people are hear for a lifetime, some for a season, and some for a reason. All encounters are meant to teach us something. You ever had that by chance meeting and felt so rich afterwards but didn't gain not a monetary cent? That person was just passing through to share something with you, enlighten you on something. I've always missed those who I've come to realize was only in my life for a season. Does that mean we were never really best of friends? What about past loves? Does that mean that person don't love me anymore? Who said you can just turn love off like that? It's not possible unless it was never there.

Friends for a lifetime man that's mighty... the longevity of a relationship. I have yet to have a friendship that has spanned many years. Experiences and different environments always allowed me to lose touch... Both parties agreeing that we let life keep us too busy to catch up with each others day to da. Goes back to the beginning... the question that keeps me thinking What will it really be like? Has my life thus far played out how I planned... not exactly. A number of things are missing... not in a certain peachtree state, no bling on my finger and lifelong love to remember, not counseling (in traditional sense), and I broke a promise I made to myself. Have I befriended the right people? Have I taken advantage of every opportunity? Interesting... I'm still filled with so many questions, but I have some answers to the last few rhetorical questions. But really what will my life be like?
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